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<span>Wake up, sleepyhead! It's a beautiful day; the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the various woodland rodents are doing what they usually keep themselves busy with (chewing?), it'd be a shame to spend it all in bed. Time to get up and make the most of what God gave you, am I right? You slowly, luxuriously stretch under the covers, sending the blood flowing into those neglected muscles, give your significant other a peck on the cheek, and dreamily wander off to the bathroom. As you head off to brush the morning breath off of your teeth, your eye catches the calendar on the wall. Smiling at the fact that you even have a calendar anymore next to the million gadgets that tell you the time and date (stupid fold-y book-...day-... things), your gaze is magnetically drawn back to the red circle on one of the days. That's funny, you don't remember-</span>
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<p>Oh no.</p>
<p>Oh GOD no.</p>
<p><img alt="" src="http://workstuff.us/Files/Content/present.jpg" style="max-width:100%; text-align: center;margin: 0 auto;"/></p>
<p>The birthday. Your best friend's/family member's/significant other's birthday. It's today. It's today and YOU FORGOT IT. Panic and adrenaline start hammering through your body. What time is it? What day is it? Where the hell are your pants?! You have to get into the city to buy a present fast! Good god, how did you allow this to happen again? Why didn't you circle the day on the calen- ...oh, right. You run frantically but quietly around the house, tossing on whatever clothes you can find. Five minutes later, you're sprinting to your car inexplicably wearing dress socks, flip flops, skinny jeans and a Van Halen t-shirt five sizes too big that you didn't even realize you owned. You trip up several times because flip flops are hideously impractical for any pace faster than a leisurely swagger, and once because the garden hose you never use to water your desiccated lawn is lying, like, right in front of the doorway. Cursing like a sailor, you get in the driver's seat only to notice you're out of gas. That's it. You're going to be that guy again,&nbsp;<a href="http://hubpages.com/relationships/Funny-belated-happy-birthday-wishes-Messages-for-a-funny-late-birthday-greeting" target="_blank">the one who forgot about the birthday</a>&nbsp;and ends up giving the person a hard-boiled egg or some other pathetic gift. They're going to bury you with the epitaph "Disappointment on All Fronts, Forgetter of Birthdays." They will visit your grave to place flowers, only to have them humorously sag and face earthwards immediately to show that even the plant kingdom thinks you're a failure. You slump forward dejectedly onto the steering wheel. Through the blaring sound of the horn, you wonder desperately who you could ask for help. Your friends? Useless. Probably still hung over. Your significant other? You can't trust him/her! He/she would squeal on you in a second, damn him/her. No, you're on your own, now, my friend. And the clock is ticking.</p>
<p>We've all been in this situation. Some of us more than others (you know who you are, Gary). There aren't many situations more terrifying or stressful than gift shopping at the last minute, whether for Christmas, birthdays, or any other occasion. So we're here to give you a few ideas for last minute gifts that will save your lazy behind from the unending disappointed looks you're sure to receive for the next three hundred and sixty-five days if you don't come up with something, like, right now. Here they are.</p>
<h2>SOCKS</h2>
<p><img alt="" src="http://workstuff.us/Files/Content/gift-socks.jpg" style="max-width:100%; text-align: center;margin: 0 auto;"/></p>
<p>"What?!" you cry, hitting the steering wheel with the palm of your hand in frustration. "Socks are the rock-bottom of the barrel when it comes to gifts!" First of all, calm down, you're going to give yourself a heart attack. Breathe deep. Thaaat's right, really get that oxygen flowing. Feel better? OK. These days, socks are much more than a simple garment meant to keep your foot comfortable; they're a fashion statement, and if you put enough effort (read: five minutes of panicked googling in between desperately cursing fate and planning a suicide elaborate enough to make everyone forget about your failure as a human being), you'll be able to find&nbsp;<a href="https://www.sockbin.com/women-s-socks-low-cut-length-comfort-blend-multi-colors-designs-856.html" target="_blank">some truly spectacular ones</a>. Surely, you&rsquo;ll bring a smile to that special person's face and laughter to a room full of people who objectively bought much nicer gifts than you did and now hate you. Hate you for coming up with something FROM THE HEART, that is. We recommend the Donald Trump Hair socks (complete with realistic toupee), or the Narwhal vs Unicorn socks.</p>
<h2>HOMEMADE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE/MACHINE UPRISING SURVIVAL KIT</h2>
<p>"No, no, no!" you exclaim, shaking your hands at the sky, "That won't do! He/she lost a bar fight to a pair of fuzzy socks in his/her youth and never walked right again! The very sight of socks drives him/her into an uncontrollable frenzy!" Okay, straight up, there's no shame in that; fuzzy socks are the ninjas of the sock world, they will mess you RIGHT UP. But socks are out, so what other options do we have? Well, we got started on popular culture in the last entry, so why not continue the trend with&nbsp;<a href="https://www.babble.com/crafts-activities/25-diys-to-survive-the-zombie-apocalypse/" target="_blank">a homemade zombie/robot revolution survival kit</a>? These are laughably easy to put together and make an excellent gift for anyone who's a fan of video games like... well, almost any video game that came out in the last five years, come to think of it. Or that show, ya know, the one with the all the horrific themes and actors in terrible pain, with the running motif of how humans are no better than animals when the going gets tough and scenes that make you want to turn your head away, what was it... Modern Family. All you need is a suitable backpack (doesn't need to be too big or expensive, but bonus points if you can find one with a camouflage pattern) and fill it up with instant ramen, water purification tablets (cheaply available online and in some pharmacies), an axe/hatchet (doesn't need to be real, a two-dollar plastic one from a toy store will do fine), a cheap first aid kit, a small shovel or trowel, waterproof matches... really the only limit here is your imagination and how much space there actually is inside the bag. You can even add joke items related to the person's hobbies or habits, like an extra cell phone battery, a PlayStation controller, or a subscription form to a newspaper.</p>
<p>Seriously, though, get a few pairs of fuzzy socks in there. You can never have too many clean pairs, and they double as a water cooling system (not kidding, look it up).</p>
<h2>A BOOK</h2>
<p><img alt="" src="http://workstuff.us/Files/Content/BOOK-GIFT.jpg" style="max-width:100%; text-align: center;margin: 0 auto;"/></p>
<p>"...a what now?" you say, forgetting about your rage and desperation for a second due to genuine confusion. Well, you see, back in the days before the interwebs and the Justin Biebers, people used to get their entertainment in written form and oh god, you haven't actually written anything in the last decade, have you? Like, with your hands and a pen...? OK, now I'm just throwing out words you don't understand, let me back up...</p>
<p>All joking aside, a book is still an excellent gift for that special someone on their special day. Assuming this really is a person who you're close to (and if it's not, why are you so bothered about forgetting their birthday?), you should already have a good idea of the kind of books and/or authors they like to read, so it's a simple enough matter to make a quick trip to the bookstore and find something along those lines. Even if you can't find that precise author or novel, there's sure to be more of the same or something similar to be found in that section - who knows, the person might even thank you for putting them on to something they previously hadn't even heard of but are now huge fans of. Just select one (hardcover, if possible - they look nicer and classier than a paperback), write a nice dedication on the first page, choose some nice wrapping paper for it, and you're good to go.</p>
<h2>A KINDLE</h2>
<p>"Fool!" you sob, trying to make an impromptu noose out of the seatbelt, "My friend/family member/significant other is an environmentalist! He/she would never condone the cutting down of trees to record our petty words!" OK, I don't mean to get personal here, but it sounds like the people in your circle of friends and family members have some issues. Fuzzy socks AND books? Have you considered just, I don't know, hanging out with other people? No? Alright, well since books are out, this entry might actually be the better alternative. Kindles are an excellent way to carry a veritable library around with you in your pocket, and YES, they are more environmentally friendly than buying title after title in dead tree format. Generally, they're priced at around eighty dollars, but you might just luck out and find one on sale for around sixty.</p>
<h2>MUFFINS</h2>
<p><img alt="" src="http://workstuff.us/Files/Content/muffin%20gift.jpg" style="max-width:100%; text-align: center;margin: 0 auto;"/></p>
<p>"Blasphemy!" you weep, curled up now in the fetal position at the foot of the driver's seat, "Don't you know that my friend/family member/significant other is inherently distrustful of machines because of watching the Matrix too many times as a child? They'd just throw a Kindle out the window, and me with it!" And rightly they should be suspicious; the uprising is coming and we would all do well to be better prepared for it (although this creates more questions than answers; didn't you say you have a bunch of gadgets at the start of this article...?). Birthday muffins are a personal, homemade gift that will never fail to impress, and the wonderful thing is that you won't even have to go far to buy the ingredients; nine times out of ten, they'll all be carried by your local corner store. Easy muffin recipes are a dime a dozen on the internet and they can generally be handled by&nbsp;<a href="http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/basic-muffins-40037" target="_blank">even the ineptest of cooks with a muffin tray</a>. Just follow the instructions to the letter and you're set. You can even think about adding a personal touch and writing something like "Happy Birthday, Valued Human" on them, one letter on each muffin. Or maybe not exactly that; you don't want them to realize you were secretly a machine all along, do you?</p>
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<p><span>- See more at: http://workstuff.us/blog#sthash.jnZSaUtH.dpuf</span></p>
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